(GE Copy)

Unwritten Stories: Of Men and Hamsters

It’s literally supposed to be the stupidest story you’ve ever heard. It was prompted by the idea of making a story with a couple constraints. Put them down, and off the top of my head, come up with a story that incorporates all the ideas given. Make them as random as possible and see if I could somehow fit them all in... And it worked. It was brilliant. It was a masterpeice of satire... I can’t remember FRICK all about it.

So it goes like this... Starting scene, man breaks out of prison, laughs maniacally, goes on long journey to find the guy who fucked him over, and get his revenge. Goes many places, bars, shady ally ways. Guy was freaking nuts, volatile in a badass sense but many screws loose. Came with a scene where the sex shop owner didn’t want to answer the questions, and kept trying to sell the deranged man some kind of product instead, and keep calm though he was obviously freaking out. “You want this, that? Any fetishes?” And for a moment the shopkeep actually gets the protagonist to stop and question it. “Well... Actually... There is one thing that throbs my knob, it’s the sound blood makes when it’s pressed out the mouth of a tuba... It’s very arousing...” Before going right back at it and getting his answers.

The unnamed man eventually finds the guy in an oil refinery and blows the damned thing up. “What’s your problem? What did I ever do you to you? You got up one day, ballistic, threw everything off the counter. What kind of fucked up shit went through your head Bob?” “You know damn well what you did...” “The only thing I ever did was throw that damned walking disease off your desk.” “Walking deceased?! THAT HAMSTER WAS MY LIFE!” “It was a rodent, with a square of toilet paper dragged around off it’s ass!” “He has trouble wiping! You took him from me! Now you’re the one who’s gonna have wiping troubles... IN HELL!”

That was about the gist of it.